Where do I begin?  Let’s try a quick game of “Categories.”  I’ll list some items, and you tell me what they all have in common.  Got it?  Ready?

Go!

Carpet, popcorn, candy corn, candy pumpkins, loaf of bread, Glo stick, ribeye steak, eggs, more bread, a table leg, chicken food, fish food, cat food, a flip flop, another loaf of bread, apple crisp, cake, yet another flip flop, one more loaf of bread, three kitchen mats, too many cookies to count, pizza, one Bitty Baby foot and three tennis shoes….

Any guesses?

Did you say, “Things that you find at my house?”

Great guess!  And partially correct.

Try, “Things that you WOULD HAVE found in my house IF my dog hadn’t eaten them.”  Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  You got it!

Almost nine months ago, I met one of the great loves of my life….Rosie, also known as Dogzilla.  I fell in love the minute I saw her sweet little puppy face.  Of course, it doesn’t hurt that she’s completely adorable.  The first time I saw her, she had so much extra skin, which should have scared me, and these beautiful, expressive eyes.  I just melted into a big puddle of goo.

And then she started to grow……and grow……and grow…..will it ever stop?  Seriously.  Will it? Her head is bigger than my head.  Her paws are bigger than my hands.  Seriously?!?!

We tried to buy her a bumblebee Halloween costume (I know, I know….embarrassing…but she could use a teeny bit of humility.)  Turns out the “large” costume was not quite big enough for the belly.  We tried to squeeze, but it was a “no go.”  She will be a wonderful “extra-large” hotdog instead, with light-up mustard.  She is unimpressed.  In fact, she barked at the light-up mustard.  And then ate it.  Burp.

She has caused multiple injuries to me.  Ok, that’s unfair.  I have caused multiple injuries to myself as a result of the giant dog in my life.  I have fallen on my elbow on ice while trying to catch her, fallen on my elbow on a hardwood floor as she ran past me and knocked me off my feet, sustained a black eye when she jumped up to “kiss” me, and of course, my favorite….broken my foot when I smacked it on a doorframe, trying to keep the giant dog from eating a stolen chocolate cookie, because, as many of you know, dogs can’t have chocolate.

Of course, we are clearly not dealing with a “normal” dog here.  This dog can eat pretty much anything and the only thing we hear from her is “burp.”  No serious tummy aches, no crying or pain.  Just “burp.”

I consider myself a pretty responsible pet owner.  My cat, Jackson, lived a long, happy existence without incident.  My other dog, Sallie, is now five years old and in perfect health, with no serious happenings to speak of.  And then, there was Rosie.

One day, I was doing laundry.  I set an empty Tide Pod bucket by my feet as I was moving a load from the washer to the dryer.  The giant puppy put her head in the bucket and got stuck.  It was horrific.  She thrashed around, trying to shake the bucket off of her head, banging into walls.  I moved quickly, removing said bucket from the sweet puppy’s head.

Through the ordeal, however, she ingested a bit of Tide, and began tossing her precious cookies everywhere.  We quickly bolted to the veterinarian’s office….the sweetest, most patient vet in the ENTIRE WORLD.  She doctored Rosie up and sent her home in perfect condition.   On a positive note, her burps were clean and fresh for a few hours, and she is still very healthy.  Tide Pods are now completely secured at all times.

I took Rosie to doggie daycare today, which I have to do routinely to burn some of the energy.  There was a nice man in the lobby, wrestling a huge German Shepherd.  Strangely enough, my giant, maniac dog was sitting quietly, doing exactly what I told her to do.  Weird, but true.

The man turned to me and said, “Wow, your puppy is so well-behaved!”

I glance behind me, and then realize he’s talking to me.  Trust me, those aren’t the words I usually hear about Rosie.  Typically, it’s, “Oh my gosh!  Get your dog off of me!” as she hurls herself at people.  She has a particular affinity for small people.  Loves to knock them flat.

Anyway, I looked at the poor, weary man whose arms are covered in giant puppy bites and scratches and said, “It will get better.  Those first six months are brutal.  I haven’t had a serious injury for about six weeks now…..broken foot is almost healed.”

I really was trying to be encouraging, but somehow it just didn’t flow quite like I’d hoped.  I decided to leave it with, “You’ll be in my prayers.”  Even my dog looked at me like I was totally insane.

Dogs really are amazing animals.  If you’ve never opened your heart to one….or two…..or more, you’re missing the most loyal friend you’ll ever have.  They give you laughter when you think you can’t laugh anymore.

They nurse you back to health when you’re sick.  They are so incredibly excited to see you every single day, no matter what you’re wearing or how bad your day has been.  They protect you, love you and give you their hearts completely.

So as hard as raising Rosie the giant dog seems some days, when she looks at me with those big, brown eyes, I’m toast.  Every time.  My hope is to be able to repay her with years of happy days and tons of love and smooches.  Let’s just hope she stops growing……seriously…….

Hugs and Blessings Always,, 

LITTLE JEN IN THE BIG WOODS