“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
Words to live by.
I remember hearing the story when I was little, and then hearing it again later in life when I better understood the meaning. It’s hard to get old. The “beautiful” circle of life is not so beautiful when it applies to our bodies. In fact, it can be just plain ugly.
Because I have little girls, I find myself always dealing with the drama surrounding body image. It’s pathetic, but girls start worrying about being overweight and looking old at such a young age. My youngest started worrying about her weight at age 7. Oh my goodness.
The pressure at school between girlfriends can just be brutal. My daughter told me about a game where the girls sit down so they can see how big their thighs look when they expand under the pressure of the seat. Of course, then they compare to see whose leg is the biggest. Really?!?
We talk at home about the importance of becoming strong and healthy, but I worry constantly about peer pressure, teasing, and of course, our wonderful media’s image of the “perfect woman.” It’s so easy to distort a girl’s sense of reality, and therefore, create in her mind a sense of something that cannot be achieved. While perfect people are not real, eating disorders are. And they’re scary…sometimes a point of no return.
But beyond that, what woman wants to be defined by their physical appearance? I am not satisfied to be remembered only by how I look in a little black dress. I want more. I want people to listen to me, to laugh with me, to love me for the things inside that can’t be seen.
It’s hard for little ones to grasp this concept, but they do learn from you….how you react to being photographed (which is horrifying to many women), how often you talk about being “fat” or unattractive, or how frequently you criticize other women or celebrities for not looking perfect. It all sinks into those sweet little minds.
I think it’s interesting that the people I have loved and respected most in my life have ceased to be defined in my mind as a physical image. Instead, when I talk to them or remember them, my image is an emotion….a happy, warm feeling that isn’t bound by any physical quality. There’s no fat or skinny, tall or short, color, race or age. Just beauty. In fact, sometimes I struggle to get a mental image for loved ones who have passed away. But I never struggle to feel my love for them.
Please keep an eye on the young ladies in your life. They are so easy to influence. Trust me, I know from experience. There’s nothing wrong with looking great, but don’t let them see you make it the focus of your world. It is an uphill battle. Instead, help them feel strong, healthy, confident, loved….Real.
And to all you already “real” people out there…..cheers to you. You are awesome. The world would be a better place if everyone was more like you.
So keep it real, people.
Hugs and blessings always,
LITTLE JEN in the BIG WOODS
